Grateful just doesn't cover it

This week I thought I would document my appreciation for brilliant people I have met and chatted to in the last couple of months. It is so true that stressful and difficult moments show you who you can depend on, am so fortunate to have incredible friends and family to share life with. Being the organised person I am, I thought I would categorise and celebrate some of the big positives in my trip.

Family:

I have never appreciated my family’s love and care for me to the same extent as I have here.
Before this the longest I had been away from home was a month, my last trip to Africa, I missed home and valued their encouragement but didn’t depend on them the way I have had to here.
Working in juvenile prisons is not easy, I doubt this will come as a surprise to anyone, but I have needed to be reminded of this regularly.
Hearing violence and murder talked about in such a casual way, seeing the way prison staff treat the young people and then finding the energy to go back and do it all again has been a challenge I couldn’t have done without them.
Getting into work and seeing happy messages or calling home on whatsapp and hearing hard truths mixed in with funny stories about their weeks have kept me sane.

Can't wait to be reunited with these two and take family photos at the Waterfront.

Missing Mia SO much, looking forward to being taught how to ice skate properly when I get back!

Also missing Mum and Dad, will definitely need to take more photos on this holiday - looking through the ones we have together, doesn't leave much choice! This was taken on the day of my Leavers Ball. 

Friends:

Don’t even know where to start. Grateful doesn’t feel like a big enough word to talk about my love for the amazing friends I have been able to pour out my confusion, doubts and joy to.
I have been told that my photos on Facebook make it look like I am having a sunny experience in Cape Town. And this is true, my weekends are filled with beautiful trips around the city, to the waterfront and to many fab food markets. But I am unable to take and share photos of the prisons or my meetings with clients that make up my working week. There have been moments of joy and laughter here don’t get me wrong, but I have had to adjust my aspirations to the reality of how slow change moves here - this has been a horrible thing to do. Almost every week I have caught up with at least one friend from home. This has allowed me to both offload and listen to friend’s stresses and upcoming challenges and jump up and down for each other’s successes. Thank you to absolutely everyone who has taken the time to chat with me, Kara, Charis, Victoria, Harleen, Mary, Family, Joanna, Fiona and Katie lots of love and big hugs to you! 

Can't wait to start planning to meet up with these lovely ladies (Harleen and Mary) for drinks! Thank you for listening to me rant over Facebook, thinking of you as you go back into exam season!

Really enjoyed getting to know Leah (from the USA) for the last few weeks as she has been a brilliant part of the Social Justice Team. Look forward to keeping up with your travels from now until June!

These are the incredible people (Cheri from China and Sophie from Manchester) I live with, they put up with me taking about ginger beer and hot cross bun ice cream on a daily basis!

Julia is a wonderful person I met at Heathfield Baptist Church, she has taken on the role of tour guide and taken me to fabulous places in Cape Town. This was taken on my last day off, we ate the best calamari and chips before this was taken. Thank you so much for making me feel part of your family here! 

Last week we went to Nordhook food market to watch the sun go down, it was beautiful! This is a group photo with Cheri, Sophie, Leah (from Switzerland), Becky (from Australia) and Danielle (from the Netherlands) all of these guys working in the Human Rights Office, some legal and some Social Justice.

Church:

I am aware I dedicated a whole post to church and my experiences here. But it still deserves a place here. It has been such a relief to build strong relationships with fellow Christians here, I knew that having friendships outside of work would be really important for my mental health.
Knowing that volunteers would come and go as their time working on the project finished, I was eager to make friends with people who wouldn’t be going anywhere – Capetownians! I have been blessed with a great church at the bottom of my road, getting to know the families there well has been invaluable. Being able to send out prayer requests, get invited over for amazing food and shown round the city has been the best. Thank you so much for taking me in.

Also to my church families at home, thank you for keeping in touch and caring about both the good and difficult parts of my trip. Being able to send out my blog posts to my home group at Knowle and post on the Olton Hub has been a great way to feel part of life in the UK. To everyone who has sent me an email or commented on one of my posts somewhere, thank you for letting me know what you think. Love hearing from people, whether it is something specific I said that they were interested in or chatting about how their week has been going, it always makes my day brighter.

I know God is big and far bigger than countries borders, but to walk into a church and meet with the same God when I am so far away from home still astounds me. I have both come to church feeling stressed, worn out and on the edge of tears and come energised and full of praise. Knowing that I can be me, in this space and honest about where I am at has made church a really special place in the chaos of my trip.

Music:

When I am writing up a blog post, journal entry or file note at work I listen to music. Being able to turn up Coldplay, Rend Collective and Adele amongst others in these situations have been so helpful.
Here are some of my go to songs:

Vida la Vida –https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tmb7YIKqLeM

Joy –https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDiETOLBvxA

Control –https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFfztu8-bBQ

Hello Hurricane –https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtg24Pgi3_s

Water under the bridge –https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IL2wdBLDYaA

Remind me who I am –https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSIVjjY8Ou8

More than conquerors -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2p8_4NbrcKA

Time off:

Never before have I worked for so long without a break, I know get why adults find bank holidays so exciting! It feels very grown up to plan what I am going to do with friends on long weekends, when before they have always been part of half terms or a two week Easter holiday. In South Africa I have enjoyed 3 public holidays so far, Human Rights Day, Good Friday and Family Day (Easter Monday) and have 2 more – Freedom Day (This Thursday) and Workers Day (Next Monday). I have also used one of my five days off to spend the day with Julia at Kalk Bay. 

Having these days off help me step back and readdress the balance in my life, choosing to relax and breathe easy for 24 hours. As you can imagine my brain really appreciates these days.

Notebooks:

I couldn’t do this post without mentioning my love of notebooks. Have so far resisted the urge to buy a notebook, but aim to leave Cape Town with at least one to add to my collection.
Obviously I have always loved notebooking, escaping my head and documenting my thoughts is absolutely necessary for me to make sense of my life. I have needed to do this even more here, getting to grip with new people, a new city, new culture and new work was overwhelming so I turned to my notebook. Having discussions with the young people in prison has been fascinating and challenging, so I turned to my notebook. Visiting different churches and hearing a range of talks has been hard to keep track of, so I turned to my notebook.

Being here I have recorded every day in my journal (shout out to Martha for buying this great notebook for my 18^th birthday specifically for my gap year trip, THANK YOU!) and I use my general notebook to document all the church services, home group meetings, museum trips and the 40 acts challenge in (shout out to Dad for buying this for me for my trip to South Africa last time, not knowing that I had already selected that one before this was added to my collection).

Looking forward to reading back through both of these when I am home, when I want to process everything fully. Hope that my doing my scrapbook with all my photos from here will also help me appreciate just how momentous this trip has been and how much I have learnt along the way. I am certainly not aware of this now. 

On Saturday I went from a food market to a book shop to a coffee shop to drink ginger beer and note book, it was glorious! 

Prayer Requests:

- That Tom will really enjoy the second half of his time in Port Elizabeth, making friends and chilling with animals. He has now been in South Africa a month and has five weeks left.

- Not to count down to my family coming too much! I am SO excited to see them, hug them and show them around Cape Town but don’t want this to dominate my last 5 weeks here in a negative way. Want to absorb the last few weeks of my trip just as much as I have did for the first month.

- For all my uni friends studying for their first year exams, may they balance productivity and rest perfectly! 

Thank you for making it to the end of my thirteenth blog post, hope you have a fun filled week.
PS. I am now on the 4th series of West Wing, President Bartlett has just got re-elected, yay!

Touring churches in Cape Town

I have now been in Cape Town for 8 weeks and been to 6 churches. I decided before I came that I would do some exploring and step out of my comfort zone, attending services I wouldn’t think of at home.

This has included:

Heathfield Baptist Church

Hillsong Church

Capricorn Community Church

Holy Redemmer Church

Every Nation Church

St George’s Cathedral

Thought I would use my Easter blog post to talk through my experiences of each of them and what I have learnt so far.

Heathfield Baptist is the church at the bottom of my road and the one I’ve been to most. It is a small church with a congregation of about 40 people, it is very family orientated. Almost everyone is related one way or another, the current pastor is the son of the previous pastor who set up the church years ago. It is a very welcoming place to be, the first time I went I felt like I was introduced to 20 people one after the other. Got to know a few of the young people well through their youth group and young adults meetings and feel at home here. The worship is familiar, which was such a great surprise when I went for the first time. It made me smile as the songs being sung are ones I know by heart but haven’t sung at home for about 5 years. Mighty to save and blessed be your name are both popular!

This church has taught me that familiarity is okay and you are allowed to comfortable in a church. I am always looking for challenge and mind blowing sermons but with work so full on, I think this every week would have been too much. Instead there are friendly services that unpack a different topic or bible story each week. It has been lovely to get to know the families there and be able to walk in on a Sunday and be greeted with hugs.

Hillsong is a huge international church, a very different setting and atmosphere! It takes place in a big building that is set up like a theatre, with a large stage, complex lighting and tiered seating. I went with a couple of other volunteers at the start of my trip.

Ray from the USA who is familiar with Hillsong and a Christian and Chelsea from Manchester who had never been to church before! We went before the uni terms had started up again so it was a bit quieter than normal, but still a couple of hundred people in the congregation. There was loud music with lots of jumping and dancing to start. The sermon from a guest speaker, he was an eccentric guy from Sweden. The topic was ‘fighting the storms’ he spoke about embracing opportunity, travelling light and taking heart. It was an encouraging talk but delivered in a very shouty way, I find this quite distracting as a public speaking snob I spent a lot of the service praying for connection to the message beyond the delivery.

 Left the service with my friends with mixed reactions. On the way home Chealsea asked a bunch of questions, it was interesting to be on the receiving end of this! They included: what is the trinity? What does hallelujah mean? How was Jesus born? What is free will? To name a few!

This church taught me that an overly enthusiastic message can be hard to process, something to watch in my public speaking - and that being part of a big congregation is something I really love but couldn’t do every week.

Capricorn Community Church was brought to my attention to Tim, the minister at my family’s church in Olton. He went to Bible College with the minister of this church years ago and is still in touch. This was the first church I went to that is distinctly different from my previous church experiences. It is situated on the edge of the Vrygrond Township, and has a small congregation from all over Africa. The worship songs were in a range of languages as were the prayers they call themselves a ‘fruit salad church’ that welcomes everyone wherever they are from.

The sermon was on ‘Sex and relationships’ we looked at a range of bible verses and split into groups for discussion on how the community, the church and popular culture view sex, then fed back. Was interesting to hear people’s thoughts and hear Bruce the minister pick apart common misconceptions about the God’s view on sex. Ended powerfully with prayer about moving from condemnation to conviction, looking at repenting and receiving forgiveness. It was clear people were moved by this message. After the service I chatted to Bruce about how he moved with his family from the UK to South Africa over 7 years ago and the work they are doing now. Was great to talk to someone who understood the culture shock I was experiencing at the time.

This church showed me how the church can educate people about God whilst respecting everyone’s different backgrounds and cultures. Preaching truth and shining light into dark places. Look forward to meeting up with Bruce, Louise and their family in the near future for lunch.

Holy Redeemer Church is my host mum, Brenda’s Catholic Church. Here I learnt lots about Catholic tradition and strict order of service. Before this I had only been to a Catholic church for a wedding and christening, so was a very different experience to see a typical Sunday. After hymns, prayers and readings Father Gerard gave the sermon on Lazarus being raised from the dead. He quoted TS Elliot ‘we are always living and partly living’ it was interesting how he unpacked this and challenged us to examine our hearts, looking at what is broken and dead and how we can bring that to Jesus for restoration. He explained that hate, grief and resentment can be moved to acceptance, joy and compassion through the Holy Spirit. We then had more prayers and communion. I had an internal debate on whether I could/should take communion, it used to be that you would only be allowed communion if you were a member of the church. However a few years ago this changed and is no longer a requirement, Brenda said that since I was a practising Christian then I was allowed. I decided that God was bigger than manmade restrictions, the symbolism of communion is one of unity, brothers and sisters in Christ eating bread and drinking wine across denominations and countries.

This church affirmed that Catholicism isn’t for me, I really struggle with the rituals and reciting of prayers throughout a service. I felt like I was in a museum rather than in a church, but I am really glad I went and stepped out of my comfort zone. It was here that I heard about a talk on Prison Alpha to be given the next week, I went to this and it blew my mind. Absolutely shifted my focus and interpretation of my time here (am sure I will talk about this more in another blog post).

Every Nation Church was introduced to me by one of the supervisors at work, it is a student church that takes place on the edge of a university campus in a theatre. I went with a group of volunteers from the office who had varying degrees of experience in a church environment, but all asked to join me as part of their cultural experience of Cape Town. Was good fun to see their reactions to modern worship beautifully filling the theatre at the start of the service.  They all found it very uplifting and enjoyed people dancing and clapping around them. I felt so peaceful at this church, had a brilliant chat with Michael, one of the guys who founded the church. He studied in the UK and spent some time going to Renewal in Solihull, which shows what a small world church is! The sermon was on healing by the Holy Spirit, quite a confusing jump for my friends who had little to no experience of church before.

Filled in a sheet at the end of the service with my details in and asked to be contacted about a connect group in my area. Was contacted by email a couple of days later and went to one about 15 minutes from where I am living. Spent the evening with some really lovely people talking about forgiveness in a really provoking way. Finished the connect group with prayer, God gave these strangers images and messages to share with me, urging me to rest and let go of my endless to do list. Was powerful to hear this from people who had only known me a couple of hours! Looking forward to going back this Wednesday and hopefully for the rest of my weeks here.

This church reminded me of the power of music to connect us to one another and show us more of God in an easy going way. Was amazing to see my friends experience this.

Finally St Georges Cathedral! This is Desmond Tutu’s church, it is very high Anglican (which is the style of all Anglican churches here) I had been told that this style was very similar to Catholic and can see why! It was miles away from Knowle Parish at home in style. I went on Good Friday because I wanted to experience something different on such a significant day. Everything was very formal and sombre, with readings, incredible choral music and processions from the clergy. Found most of the service inaccessible, I felt like everyone else was on the inside and knew the secret language. Found the standing, sitting and kneeling confusing, but am glad I went to such a grand and beautiful church. The stain glass is breath taking. I also appreciated the prayer for those in public office, a prayer that is very pertinent at the moment with calls for President Zuma to step down.

This church showed me how different a church service can be in another country even in a denomination I recognise. I know that the 7:30pm service at Knowle is very relaxed, but I hadn’t realised just how informal it was until now.

Every church I visited showed me something new, I felt more at home in some than others but found peace and solidarity in all. I am in awe of how big God is, and how he reaches people from all over the world in a way they can understand. Just because I find traditional church jarring doesn’t mean it isn’t comforting and though provoking to others, it is important that a range of services are available for people to choose from.

I still have a few churches left on my list to visit, but think this blog post is quite long enough as it is! Would defiantly encourage you to go to a new church over the next month and just embrace the similarities and differences.

Prayer requests:

-       -    I am now adjusting to a new team of people at work, with two good friends leaving the project last week and new volunteers starting, it is all change! I find change very triggering but am really trying to go easy on myself and encourage those who are finding their feet in a daunting project.

-         -  For Mia as she enjoys her Easter Holiday without Tom and me at home, may she love spending time with friends and family!

Thank you for making it to the end of my thirteenth blog post, have a great week.

A significant 24 hours in the life of me

On Thursday afternoon last week I was invited to go to Pollsmoor Prison to take part in prayer ministry. This was something I had looked into a few weeks ago, and was told that it was a bit late notice, but they would try and get me on the list to go. I found out at lunch time and said yes straight away!

A normal Thursday includes going to St Anne's, a shelter for abused women and their children, coming back for a short lunch break, and then going to Bonnytoun in the afternoon. Bonnytoun is a detention centre for teenage boys both awaiting trial and sentenced.

At St Anne’s this week we were promoting the ‘Red my lips’ campaign which takes place every April across the world, standing up for survivors of sexual assault and against victim blaming.
Supporters wear red lipstick with confidence, and spread awareness across social media. We discussed rape myths, what the word ‘slut means’ and if what people wear has any correlation to how much sex they are having. 

This was a really brilliant discussion with lots of different views being expressed, and we certainly left feeling empowered. We celebrated the strength of women with a photoshoot using red lips as props, creating warrior posters, and decorating cupcakes with red frosting, I had a fab time!
We had been told to wear any red clothing we had, so I wore one of my favourite handmade red dresses. Love all the photos from this morning.

Notice the chocolate cup cake with red frosting! 

This photo has a mix of legal and social justice volunteers that came to St Anne's this morning.
Really enjoy working with them!

Here are the clips we showed, this one on consent –https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQbei5JGiT8

And this one on what the word ‘slut means’-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3bQLq9QGA4&t=4s

At Bonnytoun this week we did a workshop about the meaning of justice. We had planned to see the red group, but this wasn't possible, so we saw blue instead. Having already given this workshop to the blue group before, we had to improvise! 

We played chief and colours (a couple of group games the boys enjoy) and then decided we would extend the topic of justice into consequences. Asking questions such as ‘do you think it is fair that you are here?’ to this we got a range of answers, some said yes they got it and planned to change their lives when they got out, others said it made no difference to them and they are already planning their next offences.

We then had some small group discussions about their future and they asked us what jobs we wanted to do, when I said that I wanted to lobby governments on human rights issues they said ‘so you want to be like Nelson Mandela?’ and I was like ‘sure!’ they approved of this. 

We finish the workshops with music; sometimes the young people dance and other times they just sit and listen, tapping their feet. 

When the workshop finished my supervisor called me over to say that during the group discussion (which had taken place almost entirely in Africaans) the boys had been making inappropriate comments about my dress. This was frustrating but not entirely surprising. Sexualising white women is common and a cultural shift I am still getting used to.

I had a couple of hours to get home after work and change before going to Pollsmoor. We arrived, got searched and waited for all the arrangements to be made for us to begin our prayer walk. We spent about 30 minutes singing in a big room in the women’s unit. This was an incredible way to start, 3 men played guitars and everyone sang African worship songs, the style was very similar to ones I learnt at school with a lot of repetition involved they are easy to pick up (like ‘this little light of mine’ and ‘he’s got the whole world in his hands') so even though they were new to me I picked them up fairly quickly.

We then were led in prayer by the head of Hope Ministries, the organisation that runs the prayer walk and headed off in two groups. We snaked around the maze guided by people who worked for hope ministries and prison staff. All the women were locked in their cells but would come to the doors, climb up to stick their hands out of their narrow windows, smiling and waving to us - so excited to be prayed for. We lifted our hands out towards them, unable to touch them, and prayed, some sang, others quoted bible verses. There was over 100 in each of the two groups (267 of us in total on the walk) the atmosphere was like nothing I’ve experienced, there was such joy. Such peace in a place known for cramped spaces housing vulnerable women.

My group went to pray in the hospital area for the pregnant women and the crèche were women were close to giving birth. I learned that these women have a choice when they give birth, give their child up to a family member straight away or to keep them for two years before being forced to give them up.
I can’t even being to imagine what this must be like, no choice at all.

Both groups then met up again in the cafeteria to pray for the prison staff and all the women in the facility. They called ex-offenders forward to pray for the staff. This was very moving as about 30 of the group came forward and prayed for the staff’s strength, endurance and work/life balance.
Some of the staff were wearing civilian clothing and had given up their night off to help assist, this allowed us to have such a large group on the walk.
Felecia (the lady I was with) introduced me to Andrew May who is the assistant director at Hope Ministries, I mentioned the work I am doing and he asked me to get in touch as they would like to establish more links with juvenile prisons. 

He then went before the group and said he had just been chatting to a first timer from the UK who had said ‘I’ve never experienced anything like this before’ and he said that is because there is nothing like this anywhere else in the world! It is mind blowing that 267 Christians can turn up and walk around a prison for an hour praying for the people there.

I have been praying for a break through moment in my trip and this may well be it, I am so keen to find out more about Hope Ministries, and how I can be involved in prison work at home. I don’t really know what that might look like but am going to begin researching when back in the UK.

https://hopeprisonministries.org/

I can’t wait to go back to Pollsmoor next month to pray for another facility and experience even more.

‘We are not bringing God’s kingdom here, he is already here.’

Couldn’t agree with this more.

Prayer Requests:

-          - Motivation to keep going at work when I feel like I am not making a difference.

-          - To really get stuck into research revolving around prison ministry.

-         -  Keep depending on God, he really can do impossible things.

-         -  For the Social Justice team as we say goodbye to 2 volunteers this week, taking us down to a team of two and our supervisor, Michael.

Hope you have had an enjoyable week! Thank you for making it to the end of my twelth blog post. x

Me being a control freak and ranting about politics - what's new?!

This last week I have spent a lot of time catching up with people from home, this is a lovely but always a slightly odd thing to do. It is amazing to share my stories, the ups and downs and hear about how people I love to bits are doing, but it is also an uncomfortable reminder of how far away my normal is from theirs.
It is easy to forget that a couple of months ago my life was very different and right now - I am working in an alien environment that is generally recognised as very challenging. I think it is common to be unaware of the weight of what we are dealing with until someone points out to us that we are in a crazy situation. 

Right now I know I am seeing my reality with eyes partly closed.

Just wish I was doing this over hot chocolate and cake rather than through head phones!

Sharing my frustrations with others I see them hit their head against their hand and rolling their eyes, I hear my Grandad say ‘You are having quite a different experience to someone just on holiday aren’t you…’ and my Mum take a deep breath as she explains that I am not responsible for fixing all of South Africa’s problems.
They are able to see me in this situation and empathise without having it weighing down on them in the same way. I have also spent a considerable amount of these conversations being mocked about my control freak ness – perhaps it is was a blessing for everyone that when I started I was the only volunteer on Social Justice, otherwise how would I have taken control? Harleen suggested that actually it wouldn’t have mattered because no matter how strong someone’s personality was they would have struggled to lead me anyway!

This is when I roll my eyes.

I feel at this point it is important to add in my defence that I have let others plan and lead the most recent workshop (on justice – a big topic especially when you are presenting it to prisoners!) and even stayed behind when they went to Khayelitsha (the township most of our social justice cases come from) to plan home visits with clients whilst I finished off some paperwork with a Refugee Client.

Being almost at half way I am reflecting not only on stepping back and letting others make decisions but also on what I have found thought provoking and what drains me.

I am now pretty sure that teaching isn’t for me – every workshop we plan we do 7 times over. I find this monotonous and whilst it goes differently each time and we become more confident in our editing of the workshop. I would struggle to teach the same thing over and over again in a school environment.

Something that I has been affirmed in me is how much I believe responsible politics is the answer to social change.
Politics should be about serving people, a profession known for its compassion, morality and team work – in my personal opinion.
I long for a day when people look forward to elections as much as I do, revelling in the fact that they are being asked their opinion in the future of the country, all of it, the economic policy, the national curriculum, the importance of renewable energy to name a few topics in a parties manifesto. 

Life for many of the young people I have spent time with believe life is better inside, and when I look at their outside I can’t blame them. How then can politics come to the rescue? Examining the root causes of crime, introducing economic policy shifts and the curriculum to better engage and equip children. 

This is absolutely where my passion lies, in bringing about long term change to real peoples everyday lives. With this in mind a big focus of my trip is gathering experiences, trying to take in all the details, so that when I campaign for structural change I have individuals in mind.

Am going to hear about a guy who has done Prison Alpha in South Africa on Friday, this is something that I would definitely like to look up when I am home and other charities that help prisoners, especially young people remain hopeful for the future. I also want to think some big thoughts about rehabilitation and the point of punishing people for breaking the law, perhaps find some intelligent books on the subject.

This slightly all over the place blog post reflects where my head is at as I write this.

Speaking of politics, just in case you missed it am going to link the PAX Christians in Politics clip I was part of a couple of months ago, I am really proud of it and super excited about where this project is moving!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIV2xMyR95s

Prayer requests:

-         -  Keep trusting God with the bigger picture for both my trip and the lives of the young people I am working with. Energy in my team, everyone is trying to make the most of every moment in their trip and see all Cape Town has to offer, which is fantastic but leaves us all feeling a bit brain dead.

-         -  For my Dad as he begins his trip in India, may he build great relationships and learn lots about the lives of others

-        -   For my notebooking to remain critical and reflective but not cynical and depressing

Thank you for making it to the end of my eleventh blog, hope you are having an interesting week!