Striving for consistency

On Monday I went to see 'The Duchess of Malfi' at the Royal Shakespeare Theatre - it was unlike any stage performance I have ever seen - the Guardian sums it up well 'striking, powerful and blood-soaked'. At the end of the gory play a lady sat next to me remarked 'it's not real, is it..?' I thought this was a fascinating response. On a superficial level she is of course correct, the story we had just watched unfold was fictitious, however on a human level it was not only real but a frequent nightmare for many.

https://www.rsc.org.uk/the-duchess-of-malfi/



The play was as breath taking as it was because it displayed abuse, rape and murder in a terrifyingly naturalistic manner. The body language, emotion and verbal delivery was painfully raw, sat in the front row I felt like a helpless bystander witnessing torture - the very worst of humanity. It followed the lives of the recently widowed Duchess and her two morally corrupt, jealous and violent brothers. So desperate were they to inherit her power and riches they killed her lover, children, the duchess and in the end they themselves get caught up in the havoc. As you can imagine it was quite the heart racer!

The unique element of this play was the use of blood. The second half of the play saw the stage get covered in a pool of blood, a sack was burst from the inside of a dead pig and caused a dramatic leak. This meant that all the action in the second half involved the actors walking across the stage getting their feet covered in blood, as each fight took place the blood spread further and further until almost every member of the cast was drowning in red. The sheer quantity of blood meant people in the front row were provided with blood blankets in case of splash...

Anyway now you have some context, back to the lady who sat next to me... 'it isn't real, is it...?' what I wanted to say is -  are you aware that this play is so powerful because it is inspired by the pain endured again and again by the human race? Are you aware innocent people are being detained indefinitely in the UK? Are you aware that people are tortured on the tiniest shreds of evidence everyday? Are you aware that every time the England team loses a international game domestic abuse rises by 38%? Are you aware of the privilege it takes to utter that sentence?


Dirty competition, greed and abuse are not unique to thriller fictions. 
We, the audience, were allowed to walk away. 

It goes without saying that in "real life" victims don't get this luxury.
And there is a key word - victim. 
'A person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action'
As affected as I can sometimes feel by human right abuses I have never been the victim of abuse in this context. This line is a valuable one. There must be a balance between empathy and indifference. This is where my title - striving for consistency, becomes relevant. I seek to be an advocate for the voiceless but never a replacement orator. It is not for me to tell their stories in a way that suggests that their version is now unnecessary. 
I hope this makes sense, I am still getting my head around how to best implement this in my life, I am imperfect and conscious I make mistakes in this area. 

*side note* I am becoming increasingly invested in campaigning for an end to indefinite detention in the UK, last year I ran a session on it as part of my Amnesty workshops at Alderbrook, had external speakers come in a discuss it - was eye opening. You can read more about it here - http://detentionaction.org.uk/campaigns/indefinite-detention-in-detail

On the way to Stratford Sophie and I had a conversation about being an ethical consumer, about our imperfections and desire to be conscious of where our money was going. We discussed the difficulty of staying informed and being consistent in our shopping - perhaps buying a top made from organic cotton but from a company that uses slave labour, ticking one box but firmly crossing another. Sophie made the important point that whilst we can only do our bit, it is worth doing and we should never feel sorry for ourselves as if we are the ones that are victims of fast fashion/ global capitalism/ poverty.
It is helpful to hold in mind 'if I am buying this product/ service for a surprisingly low price then someone else is making up the difference... is my economic gain really worth it?'
This sentiment is useful but not watertight, not everyone has the financial security to make this distinction, not everyone is aware of the impact of globalisation and we are imperfect even when we have the best intentions and are bound to slip up here and there.

At this point I thought it would be helpful to list some practical ways I am striving to be morally consistent... I want to try and make sure I am both talking and walking the walk:

- Buying from charity shops and not feeling guilty if I am buying a product that comes from a questionable brand because my money is going to charity not supporting the brands practice. *side note* charities aren't infallible either... but if you keep looking for an ideal exchange then you will end up living as a hermit!

Recent purchases from COW Vintage shop in Birmingham.

- Setting up a monthly standing order for NGOs I want to support (UNICEF & Home for Good).
https://www.unicef.org/
https://www.homeforgood.org.uk/
And a standing order for my charity account, from this pool of money I give to causes that I have become aware of that month, adding flexibility to this arrangement. This is a way of forcing myself to be generous regularly and in a more sustainable less impulsive way.
For more information on effective altruism I would recommend this book - https://www.waterstones.com/book/doing-good-better/william-macaskill/9781783350513

 - Being a member of Amnesty International (did you know this about me?!) and getting seasonal magazines that are full of accessible information on global human rights. Can't recommend this enough, each magazine has a specific campaign focus, has first hand accounts and is full of actions that you can take quickly to put pressure on the decision makers across the world.
https://www.amnesty.org/en/get-involved/join/

- Reading books that are written by people who have lived through injustice.
Here are a few of the most powerful non fictions I have read or are newly on my bookshelf, happy to lend any of these.
Enemy Combatant - https://www.waterstones.com/book/enemy-combatant/moazzam-begg/victoria-brittain/9781416522652
1000 Lashes - https://www.waterstones.com/book/1000-lashes/raif-badawi/constantin-schreiber/9781771642095
Guantanamo Diary - https://www.waterstones.com/book/guantanamo-diary/mohamedou-ould-slahi/larry-siems/9781782112853
Why I am no longer talking to white people about race - https://www.waterstones.com/book/why-im-no-longer-talking-to-white-people-about-race/reni-eddo-lodge/9781408870587

- Following a diverse range of people/ news outlets/ political opinions on social media. Trying and not doing a great job at getting out of a liberal echo chamber.

- Listening to those who disagree with me.
Going to insert in here of the disagreeing well Christians In Politics clip, would a blog post of mine be complete without a CIP mention?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23MEShLYoJ4
Have done this by having frank conversations with conservative/ labour friends, leave voters and trying to proactively get outside the student bubble at uni - church in Twerton and local lib dems.

Photo from summer ball, from left to right we are stood in our positions on the political spectrum. Featuring Jake (labour), Me (Women's Officer for lib dems at Bath), Connor (chair of lib dems at Bath), Orla (treasurer for lib dems at Bath) and Jordan (chair of conservatives at Bath)

- Signed up to Tearfund text alerts to get prayer requests written in response to crisis situations that often go unreported. https://www.tearfund.org/about_you/pray/whatsapp/

- Being 100% veggie at uni to cut down my meat intake. Have a look at The Real Meal Deal for information about the human/ environmental impact of having unstainable eating patterns and food waste. https://www.facebook.com/therealmealdeal2015

- Using ecosia as my search engine - it uses advertising money to plant trees. https://www.ecosia.org/

- Recognising that I am young, idealistic and overly empathetic and this comes with a bunch of pitfalls when it comes to trying to see the world through an open minded lens.

Something I am now going to start doing is a quick internet search on the main shops I buy from before I purchase products, all most all companies have a social responsibility and reading this allows customers to make an informed choice. Things to look out for include:

- Labour practices
- Material sourcing
- Environmental footprint in transport/ use of chemicals in products/ how the profit from the products is distributed
- Ability to recycle product/ packaging


Not quite sure how to end this blog post, know all of this is going to keep swimming around my brain as I have this week started to research and apply for my placement that will start July/ August 2019. This process is reminiscent of choosing my gap year project, faced with almost limitless opportunity going to try and soak it up!
Listened to the Hamilton Mixtape whilst writing this - didn't know I could love the musical more but I do, thank you again Sophie for introducing me. Especially 'History has its eyes on you' ... SO BEAUTFIUL.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-Y9Sn3vOmk&list=PLf5RBJBB-
m0YSImu3lFwAkSCd5UlLuZw6&index=21

Sophie coming to stay!

If you have made it this far then you might well be in need of some stirring words from Obama to lift your spirits, here you go - https://www.facebook.com/ajplusenglish/videos/1255202997954538/

"Love comes more naturally to the human heart, let's remember that truth. Let's see it as our north star. Let's be joyful in our struggle to make that truth manifest here on earth. So that a hundred years from now future generations will look back and say they kept the march going, that is why we live under new banners of freedom "

Prayer Requests:

- For progress on a personal, local, national and international level towards a more inclusive, equal and loving world where human beings are treated with the dignity they deserve.

- For peace with imperfection.

- For energy to keep fighting the good fight.

- For community and a sense of belonging, we are not alone in trying to make the world a better place.

- For both a restful and productive summer holiday for myself and fellow students.


Thank you for making it to the end of my twenty fourth blog post. Have a life changing week.

365 days later

Yesterday marked the one year anniversary since I flew to Cape Town, and today marks a year after I arrived. This reality is utterly bizarre in my mind; my trip both simultaneously feels like I only left yesterday and that it was a life time ago.

This is one of my pin boards in my uni room, have covered it in memories. Got this beautiful map from the Waterfront. 

This is another board up in my room, the bottom row is photos from my gap year, and all the others are uni photos. The hot air balloon mobile is also from Cape Town as well as the Nelson Mandela postcards (courtesy of Sophie).

I have anticipated these couple of days a lot over the last month or so, and been thinking about where I am at now. On Saturday the Rob Bell talk 'Drops Like Stars' drifted into my mind and I spent the day listening to sections of it until I completed the 2 hours.
It is a beautiful discussion about suffering.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNZQOIUjlnM
Rob Bell covers SO many things in the talk but here are a few parts that stuck out to me:

- "God came into the world to scream beside us"
This was helpful to hear, I believe that God can move mountains and turn around the criminal justice system in Cape Town within seconds but that has yet to happen. I also believe that just because God hasn't done that doesn't mean he doesn't care. I rarely cry about my experience in Cape Town, but I often get angry. To know that God's heart breaks for every gang shooting, young person abandoned and child that gets abused helps me trust that he is loving and justice will come.

I read this prayer recently and found it very thought provoking. This is an extract:

' If you look at nothing but sorrow and sin, your heart may first be full of love and pity, but presently anger - righteous perhaps, but still anger - will enter and begin to crowd out love... it is not enough to know the world is full of evil, we must know also that God is good.'

- 'God wastes nothing'
  'This too will shape me'

I had forgotten that this story was included in the 'Drops like Stars' talk: Rob Bell talks of his therapist getting out a sign from the bottom left draw of his desk and holding it up to him every time he got carried away with complaining and spiralling - it says 'The God who wastes nothing'. The therapist would do all of this silently and once Rob had read it, then the sign returns to the draw.
I find this image immensely grounding.

Cape Town isn't the first challenging situation I have had in my life by any means, and when I reflect on past struggles then now I can see what I could not see before - the shaping and strength that I was blessed with throughout. I know myself inside out and that awareness has come from thinking through relationships and events in lots of detail.
The more time that passes between my trip and the present day the more processing I will have done. I hope for the highest appreciation that I can have of the messy reality of my highest of highs and lowest of lows that took place.

- 'Nothing is wasted... and nothing ceases to be precious to me'

The idea that I can treasure every day of my trip is one I am slowly grasping.
Since being at university, a lot of the time I have resented my time working for Projects Abroad Human Rights Law Firm. That is quite a painful sentence to type out. The work was hard, the structures I worked in were unjust, the rate of change was much, much too slow.
And whilst I have the luxury of moving on with my life, and going to university and meeting more amazing people, I know that is not a reality I share with many of the people I worked with in Cape Town.

Whilst I can keep dreaming, it felt like the young people I met had already given up and resigned themselves to a disappointment - allowing life to wash over them. This breaks my heart.

Yesterday started with anxiety and heavy emotion but it didn't take long for that to transform into gratitude. There were even glimpses of excitement for the future.
I can't tell you how special this was.

11 notebook pages were filled.

Over the last two days I have thought several times about what I was doing this time last year. This led to remembering random details of my trip and thinking about what my first week was like. It was full of unknowns.
Right now I also feel like lots of tasks are being asked of me and the structure and timing is unknown. But that is okay.

This is a photo of my new, equally beautiful, city of Bath.

During this time of reflection I have been listening to these songs:

- Spirit Break Out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_TOOXRpn8w (sang this at Every Nation church and it was beautiful, listening to it takes me back to a time of amazing worship)

- One Thing Remains https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_KXsMCJgBQ (this is quite an old song, but was sung at church on Sunday and felt really powerful)

- Unsteady https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0lw3qylVfY (good to listen to with the volume turned up)

- Even If https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6fA35Ved-Y (SUCH a challenging song)

- Stand by You https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCIybau9qj8 (this is sung by the Drakensburg Boys Choir and have listened to this on repeat over the last few months)

Some weeks I would write a post and the words and stories would just flow out of me - other times it was challenging to work out what I wanted to communicate. Right now I am definitely more in the second situation.
Part of me wants to end this post with a call to action, and encourage everyone to fly to Cape Town and see the things I saw, but I know that isn't going to happen. However thinking more about prisons and justice is something that I can help you with:

Prison Hope - http://www.prisonhope.org.uk/
Prison Alpha - https://alpha.org/prisons
Is it even worth it? - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpl84D-uNmY (yes I am including this AGAIN)

As I write this post, it would be easy to get caught up completely in the past. But there is something that is the same right now as it was this time last year and that is Lent.
I committed to the 40 acts challenge in my early days in Cape Town and am going the same here in Bath. Instead of giving something up I am choosing to do a generous act each day. Having this link is really helpful, and a reminder that no matter where I am in the world then I can make a difference.
If you would like to find out more follow this link - https://40acts.org.uk/?result=success

Today I spent the day at uni, met up with Stephi and chatted about gap years in South Africa, was the BEST. Notice my Table Mountain earrings!

Prayer Requests:

- For the water crisis in Cape Town, the drought was causing really difficult problems when I was there last year and has only got worse. Please pray for rain and wise decisions when it comes to rationing and planning for day zero.

- For the transition from President Zuma to the new President Cyril Ramaphosa - may Ramaphosa learn from the mistakes and chaos of Zuma's time. May this mark a new time of justice in South Africa.

- For Wednesday - I have an important meeting, which is scary but hopefully really helpful.

- For hope.

Thank you for making it to the end of my twenty third blog post. I really appreciate your participation on this journey with me.

Hello 2018 good bye 2017

It is now 2018, the year of my gap year is over and fully confined to the past.
This time last year I had so many plans in place, doing my last few hours at work, doing presentations at Alderbrook Sixthform and organising my visa. I would then go to Cape Town, have a family holiday, come home and go to uni. Now all of those things have come to pass, and I look ahead at 2018 knowing only that my first year at uni will end, my second will start and I will turn 21 years old. Nothing else is in place, ahhh!

So what of 2017 is still permeating my life today?

Well, I still think of Cape Town often, I have now given eight presentations in total, two since starting Bath. One to the Knowle and Dorridge Lions to thank them for their generous support and the other to the Just Love society at uni.
I spoke about why we should even bother with justice, and used similar slides to the ones I put together for the Branch presentation Charis and I did about our Africa experiences.



*side note* thank you so much to everyone who came to that evening it was unlike any other presentation I have given before or since. The level of emotion in the room was tangible, it really felt like everyone had been transported to our memories with us. It hit be just how real everything I did was and how much I cared about the prison system in Cape Town and longed for it to change. Many tears were shed.

Back to Just Love, it is so me! It is a Christian social justice group that meets for lunch every Thursday to discuss social justice issues, plan outreach events and pray about the world together. It is the only place I leave feeling hopeful about justice, so one to keep going back to in my second semester.
I showed this clip: Is it even worth it? - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpl84D-uNmY
( I have shared this before on my blog, but until you know it word for word then I think it is worth listening to again... and again)

And played this song to close: No Outsiders by Rend Collective - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U25dcsIO87k

My lectures also conjure up memories of Cape Town, doing research on poverty, gender equality and race all come with images of people I met and worked with. This feels unavoidable but is not always a helpful experience. Sometimes it comes with waves of anxiety or made up scenes in my head of the people in prison I met committing the crimes they told me about. My exhaustion has stepped up massively, I thought I was tired when I was working but that is nothing to how tired I am day to day now. Luckily I have so many wonderful friends and family members around to support me, give me hugs and garlic bread (the essentials). The onesie I got for Christmas also helps.


The first thing I have said when people have asked me how uni is going, is that I have the best flatmates you could wish for. So let me introduce you to them:

Charlie:
Charlie is a psychology student and a fellow West Wing fan, veggie cooking enthusiast and all round lovely person. We have watched many films together, drunk tea and eaten too much stir-fry. Don't know where I would be without her.



Connor:
Connor is a politics and Spanish student and a fellow Lib Dem (wowie), microwave lunatic and excellent proof reader of ALL my essays. I would laugh a lot less if I wasn't studying politics with him.



Aled:
Aled is a economics student and fellow blackadder fan (our flat have watched 2 series back to back so far) he is moving up the road of redemption with the help of his mindfulness book and loves clean tea towels.


Niamh:
Niamh is a social policy student and fellow vintage clothes lover, I wish I had her wardrobe and edgy fashion sense, alas I will make do with my polka dot dress and Christmas cardigan. We have both studied international development together as firm feminists and enjoyed it.

Carlos:
Carlos is a economics student and fellow debater, there is little that we have not discussed from the ethics of bull fighting to random parts of religion, various views have been thrown across the kitchen!

Zoe:
Zoe is a honouree member of SE5 who actually comes from SE3. She is a fellow calmer of crises, our first semester has had a few stressful moments and Zoe is calm and sophisticated. We have studied law together and enjoyed learning the ins and outs of the English Legal system, contract law and tort law but are looking forward to emptying our brain of SO many cases.



These guys have all heard many a story from Cape Town and been kind when I have needed to rant or be distracted or go for a walk. Have missed them over Christmas and look forward to returning to Bath and living with most of them next year.


In other news I am still involved with Christians in Politics and run the Youth Engagement Board, this gave me the opportunity to speak in West Minister in December.
The event was held in St Mary Undercroft Chapel underneath Parliament, it was an amazing evening, hearing from Christian MPs, different Christian organisations and being able to share what the Youth Board has been up to. Still have to pinch myself when at 19 I had the chance to talk to so many interesting political people in one of my favourite places.


So who knows what this year will hold and how my journey in Cape Town will equip me to deal with the highs and lows. Thank you for reading this twenty second blog, I hope to do at least one more when it is my one year anniversary of going and maybe leaving...
If you are still reading my rambles then please let me know, always appreciate hearing other peoples thoughts.

Prayer Requests:

- For January exams to go well, and regardless of the grade to feel content with what I achieve considering my exhaustion levels.

- For my exhaustion to be more manageable, I long to wake up one day in the near future and feel awake!

- For my friendships for my flatmates and friends at Bath to continue to grow even as they get to know me better!

For such a time as this...

I am now weeks away from my gap year coming to an end, this saddens me in an unexpected way.

I have done some much more than I could have imagined when I started this journey in September.

These past couple of months, since getting home have been no different.

I very much expected the reverse culture shock, waves of emotion and loneliness on returning home -but was drawn into a false sense of security by an easy first month. Now I have been back 2 full months the rippling effects of Cape Town are more visible. From waves exhaustion to a constant underlying sense of stress. 

It is hard to convey what it feels like to go through such an intense experience and return to people who haven’t been there with you or had a comparable gap year trip, just how odd it can feel.

Sometimes I feel like I am speaking a different language that only some people understand. I am incredibly fortunate to have some rather lovely friends who have also been on life changing gap years, who get it.

What I know to be absolutely true is the impact of Cape Town is not isolated to my time there, the year in which I went or my immediate future. I know this because I see my time in Cape Town continually crashing into my day to day thoughts and activities. 

I have recently been to New Wine and Soul Survivor. 10 days back to back of Christian festival is not for the faint hearted! But my time in those spaces has been momentous. I went to New Wine with Christians in Politics as a volunteer exhibitor. I spent most of my week on the stand in the market place talking to Christians from all across the political spectrum.

On my first day I spoke to people who were passionately committed to seeing God’s kingdom come through party political action, those who were deeply cynical of ‘the system’ and those who introduced themselves as simply ‘not political’.
In 6 days I had many incredible conversations.

  

My day at New Wine started at 7am when I would wake up, get dressed and go to the Rise service (7:15-8:15am) in the Hungry venue. Each day we unpacked a line of the Lord’s Prayer.
I then queued for a shower, had breakfast in my tent before going to the 9:15am service in the Impact Venue for more worship and a sermon.
At 10:30am my time on the stand begun.
We had seminars every day to advertise, books and many a leaflet to promote and the big question ‘what would you want to see in the queen’s speech?’.
At 2:30pm we had a seminar in the Tearfund venue with guest speakers, Christian MP’s and the heads of the respective Christian Forums in the Lib Dems, Labour and Conservative Parties.
I would sometimes take a break after that by going to a different seminar! Have some food and go to the 7:15pm service in whatever venue took my fancy and leave at 8:30pm to be back on the stand till 10:30pm before crashing in my tent.

This is a rough timetable, thankfully not all my days looked like this, but even when I took time off from CIP it was quickly filled with other fantastic things.

It was amazing! I was inspired, refreshed and enthused in so many ways.



Working at this level was very reminiscent of Cape Town, I had a deep sense of purpose in each and every hour of my day. In the moment I knew that mile stone things were taking place. I long for more of these moments at uni. 

One of the best things I heard was –
“whenever we draw a line between ‘us’ and ‘them’ just know that Jesus is always on the other side." With the nobodies, the shunned and vulnerable.
I could probably write a whole blog post on how much I agree with this statement, but I don't think it is necessary, instead I would just encourage you to read the quote several times over.

One of the best songs I sang during the week was - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9ujBoud26k
I love the lyrics -
'Who can stop the Lord Almighty?
He's roaring with power.
He is fighting our battles.
Every knee will bow before him.'

Whenever we sang a song about the breaking of chains I thought about the young people in Vredilus, Bonnytoun, Lindelani and Khayelitsha. I prayed for each of these places to be flooded with a sense of God's peace and for justice to reign. When I think of the dreams God holds for each of them, my heart breaks. It feels like there is such a void between who they are now the who they could be if they were able to fulfil their potential.

Our first seminar was called 'Israel, Judah and Brexit' and Dr Dave Landrum spoke from the Theological Alliance, one of the comments he made was 'if you want truth in politics, you need God in politics.' It was amazing to see how the audience (around 300 people each day) responded when statements like this were made. The atmosphere in the room shifted as light bulbs came on for people.
Another moment when this happened was when Sarah Latham spoke (head of the Lib Dem Christian Forum), her subject was 'Esther, Royalty and Refugees'.


"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but you have come to your royal position FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS?"

The buzz after this seminar was amazing, people immediately began chatting to us and those around them about what there next step looked like on their political journeys looked like.
It was awesome to see dots being joined in peoples minds. We were asked to reflect on the roles we have currently and think about why we are placed there.

After a seminar on how to reach young people I went up for prayer, I am so aware that when I start university I am going to be new people all the time, I hope that within the crazy mix I people who share the vision of Christians in Politics. I can see how God used me during this week at New Wine to connect with people and talk through big questions, I hope this continues in uni spaces.

Sarah was only able to come to New Wine week 1 for one day, this meant that for the rest of time I was there I was the only Lib Dem on team. This turned led to some crazy moments!

Including getting to be part of a Q&A panel after our seminar on 'disagreeing well'. I sat on stage next to Andy (head of Christians on the Left) and Gareth (head of the Conservative Christian Fellowship) we passed the mike around to respond to the audiences questions. I was first to speak when a question came up on electoral systems, managed to get in that my favourite was STV, also talked about cross party politics and Brexit.

Representation in politics now matters to me even more than before, having seen the consequences of people's voices being silenced and interests deliberately ignored on mass in South Africa.
Know that we are also guilty of this in the UK.

SIDE NOTE: I have recently read Harriet Harmens' book 'A Woman's Work' and Jess Philips' book 'Every woman' would highly recommend if you want your eyes opened to the huge amounts of discrimination women still face in every aspect of life. 
https://www.waterstones.com/book/a-womans-work/harriet-harman/9780241274941
https://www.waterstones.com/book/everywoman/jess-phillips/9781786330789






Then on my final day at New Wine I got to be on stage again for an interview in the Impact venue (the second biggest adult service). We were asked to talk about what was on our hearts at the moment. I spoke about how exciting it was to see the huge increase in youth turnout and how I really hoped this wasn't a fluke but signs of young people truly beginning to engage in politics on mass.






























I am already planning on returning to New Wine next year, I loved the atmosphere and tone of the event. I also had the best time meeting interesting, generous and kind people! Huge thank you to Pat, Alex, Becky and her fab family, Gareth, Andy, Sarah, Pete, Nicky and the Mabley family for sharing New Wine with me.


I then went home for one night in my own bed before going to Soul Survivor with Knowle and Olton coming together for 5 days. It was amazing to see my families church and mine combine in this way.

Being at Soul Survivor as a youth leader was very different from going as a young person, I really enjoyed working alongside the other adults to plan, feed and support the young people there.
I was also able to be there as a big sister, Mia went for the first time and I am so glad I was there to play card games and give hugs on demand.
Switching from taking lots in a very fast paced environment to a more chilled supporting others one was really helpful for my head space. I thought through lots of things I had heard at New Wine in the worship time at Soul Survivor.











I started writing this blog post because I was feeling so emotionally overwhelmed by the last couple of weeks and wanted to get it out of my head. At the time of writing this I have 42 days left of my gap year left, I am nervous of the huge change uni is to my life, but also excited to soak up the last few weeks of my gap year on holiday with family in Devon, going to Lib Dem conference and Harry Potter Studios in London.

Prayer Requests:

- For restful sleep! I am so exhausted all the time and I hate it.

- To not idealise the past too much and be excited and hopeful for my future.

- For friends who are awaiting A Level results this week.

Thank you for making it to the end of my twenty first blog post, I hope you have found it thought provoking. Have a great week!

Scrapbooking is the best

Since getting back from Cape Town I have put off a lot of things that I don't want to do. This has ranged from university paperwork (now mostly done) to reading difficult books and to writing this blog post.

It now astounds me that I managed to write a blog a week!

5 weeks have now passed since I returned from South Africa and my motivation has been very low throughout this time. I hope that as I rest, and work my way through my to do list I will become more energised...

The best way I can describe life since finishing at Projects Abroad Human Rights Law Firm is dizzy. I got off a roundabout on the 26th May and have been slightly disorientated ever since.
This made my family holiday a bit blurry.
But being reunited with my family and travelling around a country I love was none the less pretty amazing!

Here are some photos of our adventures (in absolutely the wrong order.... enjoy!).

This was taken in Franshoek in the wine region of Cape Town. Dad and I spent a day on a wine tram, we swirled and sipped wine from three different places. Everywhere we went in South Africa we enjoyed the mountains, the sight of them is something I am missing here at home.

More mountains! This was taken at Chapmans Peak on a cloudy day the view wasn't nearly as impressive as I have seen it, but still rather lovely place. Spending a few days in Cape Town with my family, allowed me to show them my favourite places.

Returning to Spionkop was a dream come true. Two years ago you may remember that I went to South Africa to teach for a month and stayed with Lynette and Raymond. During this family trip we fitted in a couple of days at the lodge. It was amazing to come back to such a familiar place and introduce my guys to the place they had seen through face times. Only wish that the Arden guys could all have joined me here for the reunion. 

My guys with the lovely Lynette and Raymond, very jealous of this years group who are flying out tomorrow!

We managed a family photo! Well done us! This was taken on our final day during the morning game drive. We drove round in the very early hours of the morning seeing lionesses with their cubs, elephants and giraffe. In between taking photos I was nervously updating my phone for election results. As far away from the count as I will ever be!

These were taken on Muzinberg beach. We went after spending the morning at Heathfield Baptist Church and showing my guys around Brenda's House.  For lunch we had two of favourite foods - falafel and calamari with chips. We shared both with some exploding ginger beer. 

Almost at the end of our trip we stayed at The Ghost Mountain Inn. Mia and I enjoyed playing card games surrounded by flowers. This was also the place where we went on a boat trip, the highlight was seeing hippos jump up for air and even one go from land to water. 

This was taken at the Waterfront in Cape Town, I introduced my guys to my favourite brunch spot. We spent a lazy morning enjoying the sunshine, great food and catching up.

One of the most beautiful places in Cape Town is the Botanical Gardens in Kirstenbosh. We spent an afternoon here before picking Tom up from the airport. It was lovely to walk around and take in the views.

This was taken at Cape Point, after a long day of driving we got here. We went up to the lighthouse and looked at the two seas swirling in spiral patterns as their waters came together.

We saw several lovely sunsets on our travels, can't remember where this one was taken. Should say that if you see any holiday related photo and it is impressive it was taken by Tom (see below).

Well there we go, a random selection of holiday photos that will give you a sense of what I experienced post volunteering. If you would like to see more photos then please come over and see my scrapbook. I have been able to write this blog post because I finally got round to starting this section in my scrapbook. Whilst it isn't fully up to date it is most of the way there, enough for me to force friends and family to sit and admire the pages one by one.

Prayer Requests:

- At the end of this week I am going to New Wine with Christains in Politics, I am so excited to be part of the team there and chat to people about joining political parties. However from that I am almost immediately going to Soul Survivor as a youth leader! This back to back camping will be amazing and exhausting in equal measure. Please pray for wisdom, energy and fun!

- SLEEP! My sleep pattern has been lost since being back home, I am finding it hard to sleep and often wake up feeling stressed for no particular reason. Please pray for peaceful sleep.

-  Finally as I am sure you well know by now, I hate change. I find transitions, waiting and anticipation very uncomfortable, as the days and weeks go by there is more and more pressure/ need to prepare for uni - whilst a lot of me can't wait to go, there is also part of me that wants to bury my head in the sand till September. Please pray for me to stay grounded in this time.

Thank you SO much for making it to the end of my twentieth blog post (woooo!).
Hope you all have wonderful week.

PS. A couple of weeks ago I spoke at the family service at Olton Baptist Church. I shared what I found hard, why I felt God had called me to Cape Town and the impact people praying for me at home had. Here are some of the slides for those who couldn't quite read them on the day/ are interested.