Firm foundations

This week more than others I had to really look back over my week and think what is significant, what have I learnt, what do I want to share? There have been so many moments that spring to mind as important and blog worthy, but they don’t neatly fall into a theme or train of thought. The overwhelming back drop to this week is the fact that I have been the only volunteer doing Social Justice. This has been just as strenuous as I imagined but even in the exhaustion God has provided. With brilliant friends joining me on projects and by making wise mind decisions I have got through. Though I am spinning a bit my foundations remain strong.

It is so clear to me that DBT has given me the skills to cope, and more than cope live life to the fullest. DBT stands for dialectical behavioural therapy, which is a meh way of saying our emotions and circumstances are always changing (dialectics) how do we make good decisions (in our relationships with others and with ourselves) keeping calm under pressure and stay true to our values (you work on identifying these in the course) therapy.

I did an intense year long course in this and am a far better/ truer version of myself then I ever have been before.

I didn’t plan to talk about this today, but my therapy has laid such brilliant foundations in my thinking and empowered me to care for myself to the extent that I don’t think I would be on this trip right now without it. DBT is so much more than standard talking therapy, it is probably important to mention at this point that I am writing about this in a bias way – I have found this course to be life changing but it doesn’t work for everyone. Likewise there is therapy I have done in the past and hated and I have to trust people who say it has worked for them.

So what makes DBT different? SKILLS! So many skills! http://dbtselfhelp.com/html/dbt_skills_list.html

Each week you learn a new skill from one of the four topics: Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Distress Tolerance and Emotional Regulation. You have skills sessions in a group (2hours a week) and 1:1 (1 hour a week). The group sessions start with a mindfulness task to ground you, then you feed back home work (putting the skill you learnt last week into practice) and sharing the skills you used. Then you have a short break before learning a new skill.

Covering the 20-30 skills takes 6 months because you do a 2 week refresher on mindfulness in between each new topic. Some people stop after 6 months or you can do a further 6 months and do the lessons from the beginning but now seriously committing to implementing them - now what you are hearing isn’t all new information. I started the process in March 2015, begun the course in September 2015 and finished October 2016.

From this I learnt how to effectively cope ahead, self soothe, rationalise, weigh up pros and cons and how to lay out what I want from another person. These probably don’t sounds mind blowing things - they aren’t. They are simple things that when you commit to doing change how you look after yourself, how you form positive relationships and how you deal with crisis.

On my trip here I have had to avoid burn out. This is counter intuitive for me. I like saying yes, taking on responsibility and helping others more than I do sleeping, taking deep breaths and making decisions that prioritise my well being over pleasing others. Unfortunately turning up to work half dead doesn’t help anyone. So I have really had to put what I learnt last year into practice.

Mindfulness (observe, describe, and participate):

- Listening to music and really experiencing it, allowing it to fill me up.

- Grounding my thoughts during worship at church.

- Noticing the warmth of my bed, the comfort of a duvet and knowing that so many people near me are struggling to fall asleep in make shift shelters.

- Really listening to the people I am working with/ clients without being judgemental.

Interpersonal Effectiveness:

- Thinking about my body language as I go into the workshops and choosing to go in energised even when I want to curl up and go to sleep.

- Negotiate, particularly when I am in a bigger team in Social Justice. Deciding what direction a workshop should go in or who should have which cases - allowing others to have control over the project.

- Sticking to my values, when making a decision asking myself 'is this helpful?' and 'is this moving towards or away from my values?'

Distress Tolerance:

- Taking deep breaths when I hear/ see/ experience really challenging things or when I am being sent round in circles by a department official on the phone.

- Radical acceptance, for the lack of progress on the cases I am working on and for clients who change their mind all the time or decide to tell you key information at the last minute.

- Self soothe, eating good food and taking a point of noticing the taste, putting on my pj’s early and switching off from work when I am home. Wearing perfume when I go out and using sleep spray at night when I've had a difficult day.

- Vacation, leaving my room when I am getting overwhelmed by emotions or doubts, forcing myself to socialise when I want to hide. Find this really challenging to do, am always making plans here and trying to see and do everything in Cape Town - have had to remind myself of the pros and cons of going through with my plans when I want to just focus on the short term.

Emotional Regulation:

- Sleeping for 9 hours a night, so I can function. Not something I have managed to stick to this week with meals out for friends leaving and early starts to fit lots of things in. Am using cope ahead to give myself some lighter evenings this week to catch up.

- VALIDATION, this is probably the skill I use most. Both validating those I am working with and myself, it is okay to feel an emotion and not know where it comes from. It is also okay to feel an emotion and know that other people might have different problems to you but that doesn’t make what you are going through any less significant in your life. Trying not to ignore my mental health because other people are suffering, in fact taking even more care of my mental health so I am in a strong position to help others.  

Sometimes I want to step off this emotional roller-coaster and run into my comfort zone but these skills help me maintain a sense of control in the instability. I wish everyone in the world could do DBT especially the young people I am working with now! But the chances of them getting group let alone individual therapy is small.

 As I wrote this blog post I wasn’t sure if I was going to come to the end and think about writing something else, but then I remembered that this last week has been Mental Health Awareness Week. This blog is one way I can stand up for people experiencing mental health problems and show support for those who have been or are going through therapy. I absolutely believe that dangerous stigma still exists all over the world, and know that it took me about a year of suffering before I asked for help. If you are struggling with mental health problems or know someone who is, here are some links that I find helpful.

Mind – https://www.mind.org.uk/

Blurt – https://www.blurtitout.org/

NHS – http://www.nhs.uk/livewell/mentalhealth/Pages/Mentalhealthhome.aspx

DBT –https://psychcentral.com/lib/an-overview-of-dialectical-behavior-therapy/

Childline – https://childline.org.uk/

This is a spoken word I have listened to in some dark times it is very powerful and always gives me hope -   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtZp7MQE2ZM

Now some photos to celebrate the brilliant things I have done this week.

Had ice cream after a very full on day last Monday. It was R6 for a HUGE ice cream (35p)

Group trip to the Old Biscuit Mill on Saturday afternoon to eat amazing mac and cheese balls (mushroom, pesto and sundried tomato, regular!)

Skirt appreciation photo with Cheri!

After emotional goodbyes with Cheri I went to Boulders Beach to say hi to the penguins with Ryan and Julia. Was lovely to go to such a calm and peaceful place in the middle of a tiring day.

Finished Saturday with a wine and the BEST pizza, can't wait to take my family here in 2 weeks!

Out on Thursday for Cheri's goodbye meal with house mates and friends. Lovely to look back over the incredible memories of the last two months of living together.

Prayer Requests:

- Energy to get through this next week!

- Collected mind set as I start to say goodbye to young people I won't be seeing next week.

- Safe travels for Danielle as she flies back to the Netherlands this evening.

Thank you for making it to the end of my seventeenth blog post, hope you have a calm week!